There and back again

This weekend I participated in the largest find-raising bicycle ride in the United States - The MS150. The ride is a 2 day 150 mile bicycle tour from Houston to Austin, TX raising money towards finding a cure for multiple sclorosis. The ride itself was awesome, and I did much better than I expected to. What I really want to talk about was the music that went through my head during the ride. Those that know me well know that I have very random thoughts. Songs that went through my head were "Free Ride" by Jefferson Airplane, "Fat Bottom Girls" by Queen, "Wanted: Dead or Alive" by Bon Jovi and others.

The second day of the ride the announcers at the start point were talking about the different people suffering with MS, their families, the people riding for them and such. it was then that I thought, "here I am enjoying this awesome ride when there are people that could only wish that they could at least walk". To know that all these people were doing this to support MS afflicted people really moved me, nearly to tears.

The last song that I had going through my head as I pulled through at the finish line at 24 mph, with all the crowds cheering us on, including those people that we rode for, was this portion of “Fearfully and Wonderfully Made”:

So what am I gonna do with this life You gave me?
What could I do but live for Your praise?

You gave me this breath
And You gave me this strength
And every day I'll live to obey You

With all of my heart
With all of my soul
Let every breath I'm breathing display You, God

The very breath that carried me for over 150 miles, the strength that pushed me through, the heart, soul, passion and desire that drove me to volunteer for this in the first place - ALL those things I received from God. I may not have been in church this morning, but I was where god wanted to have me and doing what he wanted me to do - love those who He placed around me - both the cyclist and the MS patient.

The ugly 4-letter "F" word...

FEAR

I started to write on this the other day, but lost my motivation. Tonight, Pastor James mentioned it again and I received that motivation again.

Fear dwells within all of us. For some its a fear of a creature, such as snakes or spiders. For others it may be a fear of situations, such as open spaces or very enclosed spaces. Still for others, it can go to a deeper, intimate, psychological and emotional level. Fears such as rejection, stepping out, being alone, failure, and death are very real and probably more crippling than those physical fears. That’s because those fears can be carried around, not avoided, like snakes and spiders, and linger on for days, months, years and even a lifetime.

The hardest thing to do is face a fear and overcome it. There are several fears that I have carried for years. The scars (and bolts) that cover my body are constant reminders of them. In some cases, they are invisible scars, only seen by those who know me well.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" is a powerful verse, but can be one of the hardest to follow through with. Its so easy to rely on one's own strength, since most of our everyday things we rely on that strength. It can be hard calling for help, even when the one you're calling on is so willing to help you get through it.

Sometimes its not relying on that strength, but giving up that fear that you've held as a crutch for so long, a crutch that kept you from having to do things that would take you to different places. It takes strength to give something up.

My stumbling block is giving up or letting go of some of those fears and sins. Giving up drinking, smoking, chewing tobacco are physical things that can be put down and avoided. Having stray thoughts and spending time with the wrong influences is partly a physical and mental challenge. But how do you set down a fear before the throne and step away? I just don't know. Every time I think I have, I find it at the bottom of my proverbial daypack, hiding until I get to the bottom of it because I've used up everything else I had in it.

I'm still seeking the answer.

The Wonderful Cross

Tomorrow is Easter Sunday, and those who call themselves christians will flock to their nearest church by droves to go celebrate it, followed by maybe an Easter egg hunt or a bar-b-que or festive meal of sorts.

This Easter weekend has been a bit different for me. We had a worship night at my church on Friday night where we remembered the price paid for on the cross. When we think of Easter in terms of Jesus Christ, we often think of the resurrection, the rising from the grave, the conquering of death and sin. We tend to overlook or not give the attention to that which He did - dies for our sins, died for our pains, our sorrows, our evil, our transgressions, all of our eniquities. On a cross, hung a man who came to live as man, but without sin, to take it all for us so that we may once again come before the Father.

Most Easters I have forgotten about the cross. Still, without it, there would be no resurrection.

Thank you for the cross.

First Perceptions

It’s been a while since I posted something. The romantic infatuation that was there once for a co-worker is gone (see previous post). She's still a great friend and one more reason that I like going to the office, but that's about it.

Almost 2 years ago, I met a person that I made some quick judgement on. I immediately thought that this person was beautiful (yes - its a girl I'm speaking of), and that they had a passion for God. As I began to talk to this person, I made a few more quick judgements - that they had ABSOLUTELY no interest in me and that they were quick to negatively judge a person by the little that they observed or found out about them. The latter negatively influenced me to not do much more other than to be a friend.

Over the last few weeks, I began to think a lot about this person - almost daily. I began to think of my first perceptions of this person, and how this person has changed since I first met them. Her character has changed, and for the better I might add. I can only wonder how much I have changed since then, and whether her first perceptions of me have changed as well.

Life is full of change, and many times its good. Maybe it will be good for me this time.