A Midget amongst Giants

For those of you who know me, this may be the last thing you may have thought of me. Standing at a little over 6'1", I tower over most people on a daily basis. My friend Elizabeth, who is also vertically gifted, made the comment one night that there are only two people in our young adults group that she looks literally up to - Seth and myself.

I went to Wal-Mart (the place where I'm "zen" again) as I typically do a few times a week, looking for random little knick knacks, new items, and just to be around people. For the first time in many years though, I felt tiny. I felt so small amongst the mass of people. For just about anybody else, this would seeem like a cry for pity. I felt like a a baby tuna in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

For somebody who has stuck out from the crowd over half of his life, this was a comfort and a new experience. I've always tried to excel, to be the best at all I do, to be known. The very meaning of my full name is 'Man famed throughout the land". Still, I don't want fame...not that kind.

I don't want to be known for some great invention, for a new technique I develop, for great financial success, for my prowness with women (like THAT would ever happen!), for amazing musicianship, nor skill with the written word. All those things will fade one day.

I want to be known for the lives of the common man that I touched. I want to be remembered by the guy I gave 10 bucks to for gas when he ran out, by the cyclist that I offered a ride to when his tire went flat, to the guy I helped change his flat tire on his bike at the park, the lady that I helped change her flat tire on her car, the man I offered food to, the person whom I got the can of some food for from the top shelf, the many a friend I was there for when a loved one passed away, the friend that I gave up part of my day for just to listen to her talk, and so on.

This means more to me than any other fame that I may gain on this earth. I don't expect a great reward in heaven, nor to be thanked buy God Himseelf for it. Its not about that. Its about being the "insignificant" from 6.6 billion people showing, kindness, mercy, compassion and love to another "insignificant". Suddenly there is more significance to the insignificant, and a greater joy in the world - the kind God wanted all of us to receive.

I don't want scholars, thinkers, beaurocrats, politicians, brokers, celebrities and dignitaries at my funeral. I want those people I mentioned, the ones who received a small part of what dwelled within me, that which God put within me that i imparted to them. In them is where my inheritance dwells.

Battle of mind, soul, and spirit

I’ve recently found myself in a struggle. It’s an inner struggle between my mind, soul and spirit. In the natural state, my mind, I find myself looking inward, drawing into myself, pulling away from others. I find myself reverting back to my introverted state. In this introverted state I find myself focusing on the negative, on the failures, the lack of hope, and all things positive.

Facing this dark and dreary foe on the grassy battlefield stands my spirit. My spirit comes out with great strength and fervor in worship, when its strength is greatest and mind’s is weakest. In worship and prayer, mind is dominated. Nothing on earth can stop my heart from crying out to God, loving him, praising him, lifting his name over all creation.

My soul, however, fights a great struggle to not be overcome by my mind. My soul stands in the middle of the battlefield, trapped in a foxhole, trying to fight its way past mind, thinking (of all things) that it can conquer mind from within its headquarters where its general dwells. Little by little, soul’s troops are depleted, and end up returning to the foxholes. On occasion, spirit will send in reinforcements, as it can spare them, but soul always manages to go off on its own, getting more of its troops sent off as casualties and taking some of spirit’s troops down as well too.

My battle continues, but soul is losing, and the casualties are greater and rising. Spirit is still fighting, but taking more time treating the casualties.

I feel like I have worth where I’m at in Christ, but I see myself as a minor part, like an appendix or a gall bladder, that the body can function without. I see how the world can function without me, much like Ebenezer Scrooge in a Christmas Carol, and how it would go on without me.

This volley of arrows is being shot at by mind. Spirit is firing its own onslaught against mind, carrying the message of my worth in Christ, the purpose that I am serving in His body, in his temple, with my friends, and with my family.

The battle is still going, as the war has not yet begun. I need help and I cry out to God and the faithful around me that He has placed in my midst.

Am I a closet hippie?

Recently I went out to eat with some friends on mine and we started on the topic of hippies, or being hippie“ish”. One of my friends started naming some of the people within our circle of friends that we would consider hippie”ish” and he mentioned me! I was slightly take aback as I never considered myself to be a hippie. By definition, a hippie is:

A person who opposes and rejects many of the conventional standards and customs of society, especially one who advocates extreme liberalism in sociopolitical attitudes and lifestyles.

[websters unabridged] a person, esp. of the late 1960s, who rejected established institutions and values and sought spontaneity, direct personal relations expressing love, and expanded consciousness, often expressed externally in the wearing of casual, folksy clothing and of beads, headbands, used garments, etc.

[webster’s] a person who rejects the mores of established society (as by dressing unconventionally or favoring communal living and advocates a nonviolent ethic; broadly : a long-haired unconventionally dressed young person.

[webster’s world] a person who, in a state of alienation from conventional society, turned variously to mysticism, psychedelic drugs, communal living, etc.

[hyperdictionary] someone who rejects the established culture; advocates extreme liberalism in politics and lifestyle

[ wordreference.com] a person whose behavior, dress, use of drugs, etc., implied a rejection of conventional values (esp. during the 1960s)

[realdictionary.com] youth subculture (mostly from the middle class) originating in San Francisco in the 1960s; advocated universal love and peace and communes and long hair and soft drugs; favored acid rock and progressive rock music

[miscellaneous] a person who believes in peace, love, freedom and happiness.

By these definitions, I would say I am a little bit of a hippie. I do oppose many of the conventional standards. I dress in a way that I am comfortable, not following a fashion trend. I do believe in personal relations expressing love (God’s love) with an expanded consciousness (of the spiritual world around me). I do go against some of the normal “society” grains. I think of others and do my best to put their needs first, I give for the sake of making a difference in the world, I hold myself accountable for my actions, refusing to let others take the fall for me.

Most of all I believe in peace, love, freedom and happiness, though many people may never know it…so maybe I’m a closet hippie.