when nothing really "clicks"...

I have friends.

I have good friends.

I have close friends.

I don't have a best friend.

I had a good time hanging out with my friends today, but saw again what I once saw before. I saw that I really don't "click" with anybody. There are the few things that I have in common with some of them that I use to keep some relational bond with, but other than that, I can't say that I really click with anybody - at least anybody near my immediate vicinity.

I believe that this is partially due to the path of life I'm in and the path I've taken, but also just how complex I can be within. I'm fairly easy going and will talk your ear off once I get comfortable with you. This is a change that occurred a few years ago when I got into the current line of business which forced me to interact with total strangers, be friendly and work together to achieve the goal my clients wanted.

Still, I see so many of my friends that connect on a deeper level than I ever could. Is it because I'm not around often enough to make those bonds, is it because they've all known each other longer and had time to develop those bonds, or is it that i just DON'T CLICK???

Whatever it may be, I still don't understand it. What I do know is that it gets internally lonely when you're with a group of people that know you, but may never really know you.

The complexity of simplicity

Life is hard. Very hard. The more I live through it the more I realize that life once WAS easier.

I always tend to be attracted to what is already taken, always wondering WHY I couldn't have had that.

I have a friend. She's a very great and wonderful friend. I was actually interested in her before my last girlfriend (actually, she was the reason that we went out on our first date).

Over the past year and a half we have become very close, to the point that we joke how she is my work wife and I am her work husband. We visit a few times a day, go out to lunch a few times a week, and share an interest in each other's life beyond work. Today she was telling me of how her boyfriend was "acquisitioned" in a sale of part of his company's property by another company, based in Canada. He's still not sure how this will affect his living situation (he hardly ever spends time in Houston to begin with), but she already feels a little worn from thier distance apart in thier relationship and said she would NOT go to Canada!

As she says this, my brain starts plotting, "what if they break up? Would I finally get the chance to pursue her like I once wanted to when I first met her? Is it wrong of me to want this relationship to end so that i can try to expand on the one that I have with her now? God, why is this happening and why am I thinking this?"

At some point in time tonight, I heard a phrase ( I honestly don't remember what it was) that caused me to hear God telling me, "Why do you dwell in the presumptions of what could happen? I know your heart, but why don't you try praying for your friend and her situation - if you truly care about her as much as you say you do?"

He's right. I was so caught up in myself and how this could benefit me that I forgot all about my friend, the thoughts and feelings going through her heart and mind about all this. Prayer is a powerful thing, and when done out of obedience, not out of selfishness, can be as much of a blessing to you as it is for the person you pray for.

I am praying for her, that she seek out God through this and all struggles that she faces at work and outside of work. She's a great person, but still needs more of God in her life.